Longer Tales

Questions, Answers, Interpretations

I I’ve started my search at a young age. As Arthur Laveau, my father, did, and his mother before him. None of them ended up happy either. Not that that mattered to them. Before he passed, he would tell me stories. Stories about wondrous men in far-off lands, capable of teaching the most succulent knowledge to all who were willing to listen. Tales of emaciated beggars being approached at night by shadowy figures, and leaving…

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Longer Tales

Please Join Us

The Andersons Invite You To The ANDERSON FAMILY BBQ BASH! This Friday, July 12th at 6 PM Bring A Dish To Share! Libations Are Welcome As Well! You frown, and crumple up the overly decorated invitation, tossing it over your shoulder. Fucking Andersons. Stuck up bunch of snobs, is what they are. They’ve got the biggest yard, the greenest lawn, the reddest car, the best salary, and they’re never afraid to show it to everyone…

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Short Stories

We Can’t Fight Here

9th of August, 2003 “Alright, this isn’t workin’ out.” “Did you say something to me, motherfucker?” The President of The United States of America sighs and rubs his temples. Across him, the King of Belgium is busy jamming a spoonful of mayonnaise in his own mouth, staring daggers at the President. To his right is the Queen of Britain, rocking back and forth and humming a nursery rhyme as her assistant desperately tries to translate…

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Short Stories Silly Lists

As Seen On TV

[THE SELLEVISION LOGO FADES. LARRY WALKS ON STAGE, CARRYING A STACK OF PAPERS.] Good evening, tv-watching folks! Welcome once again to Sellevision, the completely televised catalogue of things you didn’t KNOW you needed! [AUDIENCE CHEERS] I’m your host, Larry. Yknow, from accounting? That Larry. Hiya! [AUDIENCE CHEERS] So. Y’know, we’ve got some uh, some real good stuff for you on offer today. It’s a very special episode, after all. Can’t air a program without doing…

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Silly Lists

Uncle Bobo’s Prize Catalogue

Researchers exploring a warehouse on the edge of reality found the place known only as “Uncle Bobo’s Prize Depot”, which had various prizes to be awarded to children that sold cases of salve for the company. Grab Bag of Axes, Knives and Guns– A bag full of deadly weaponry and a pardon letter. Glass Eye– A glass eye. Pupil dilates when it is brought near children’s cartoon merchandise. Marble Ocarina– An ocarina that can only…

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Silly Lists

Vortex Diner

Hi! We are so, so very glad you chose our humble restaurant as the place to get your meal for the day. Study the menu carefully, and make your selection. We have a wide variety of tasty treats, sure to please even the pickiest of eaters. Appetizers Frolic Bread: Ten slices of bread seasoned with garlic squeezin’s, our secret blend of herbs, and a sprinkling of arsenic. The Big Boy: Combining 300 kg of black…

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Short Stories

Overtime

It is Sunday, 7:23 A.M. You just finished a light breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs with bacon. You cooked the eggs too long and the bacon too shortly, so both were rubbery, and yet you didn’t mind. You aren’t that hungry anyways, and it’s best to not be nauseous on your first day at your new job. It is Sunday, 7:30 A.M. You realize you have just been replaying the events of your breakfast…

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